New Cricket Rules (ICC Update: Jan 2008 )

After watching the test match, someone has written some rules have to be incorporated by ICC to give the other teams a perfect clarification

(1)     Ricky Ponting – (THE TRULY GENUINE CRICKETER OF THE CRICKET ERA AND WHOSE INTEGRITY SHOULD NOT BE DOUBTED ) should be considered as the FOURTH UMPIRE. As per the new rules, FOURTH UMPIRE decision is final and will over ride any decisions taken by any other umpires. ON-FIELD umpires can seek the assistance of RICKY PONTING even if he is not on the field. This rule is to be made, so that every team should understand the importance of the FOURTH UMPIRE .

(2)     While AUSTRALIAN TEAM is bowling, If the ball flies anywhere close to the AUSTRALIAN FIELDER(WITHIN 5 metre distance), the batsman is to be considered OUT irrelevant of whether the catch was taken cleanly or grassed. Any decision for further clarification should be seeked from the FOURTH UMPIRE. This is made to ensure that the cricket is played with SPORTIVE SPIRIT by all the teams.

(3)     While BATTING, AUSTRALIAN players will wait for the ON-FIELD UMPIRE decisions only (even if the catch goes to the FIFTH SLIP as the ball might not have touched the bat). Each AUSTRALIAN batsman has to be out FOUR TIMES (minimum) before he can return to the pavilion. In case of THE CRICKETER WITH INTEGRITY, this can be higher.

(4)     UMPIRES should consider a huge bonus if an AUSTRALIAN player scores a century. Any wrong decisions can be ignored as they will be paid huge bonus and will receive the backing of the AUSTRALIAN team and board.

(5)     All AUSTRALIAN players are eligible to keep commenting about all players on the field and the OPPONENT TEAM should never comment as they will be spoiling the spirit of the AUSTRALIAN team. Any comments made in any other language are to be considered as RACISM only.

(6)     MATCH REFREE decisions will be taken purely on the AUSTRALIAN TEAM advice only. Player views from the other teams decisions will not be considered for hearing. MATCH REFREES are to be given huge bonus if this rule is implemented.

(7)     NO VISITING TEAM should plan to win in AUSTRALIA. This is to ensure that the sportive spirit of CRICKET is maintained.

(8)     THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE : If any bowler gets RICKY PONTING - "THE UNDISPUTED CRICKETER WITH INTEGTIRY IN THE GAME OF CRICKET" more than twice in a series, he will be banned for the REST OF THE SERIES. This is to ensure that the best batsman/Captain will be played to break records and create history in the game of CRICKET .

These rules will clarify better to the all the teams VISITING AUSTRALIA .

What FYI and FYA Really Means

This is what we always use in the office when we send emails and this is what it really mean at the back of our minds. It is so true for all of us in the working world. For the newbies joining the working world, take a look.

1) For your information. (FYI)
- I don't know what to do with this, so please keep it.

2) For your action. (FYA)
- I don't know what to do with this, so I'm passing this shit to you.

3) Noted and returned.
- I don't know what to do with this, so please keep it for a little while.

4) Review and comment.
- Do the dirty work so that I can forward it and sign off with my name.

5) Action please.
- Get yourself involved. Don't worry, I'll claim the credit.

6) For your necessary action.
- It's your headache now. Woohoo!!!

7) CC to
- Here's a share of the headache.

8) BCC to
- I'm telling someone important that I'm working and sharing the headache with you.

9) For your approval, please.
- Put your neck on the chopping board for me please. :D

10) Action is being taken and will revert in due time.
- I lost your correspondence and still trying to locate it.
- I¡¯m busy! Bother me next week!!!

11) Please discuss.
- I don't know what this is all about. So please brief me.

12) For your immediate action.
- Do it NOW! Or we'll all get into trouble!!!

13) Please reply soon.
- Please be efficient. It makes me look inefficient because of you!

14) I am investigating/ processing your request with the relevant departments.
- They are causing the delay, not me! (Eyes open big big, innocent look)

15) Thanks & Regards.
- Thanks for reading all this bullshit.